25 : on denial

Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: ‘Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly.

— Matthew 26:75

Peter, the most devoted of Christ’s disciples, swore he would never abandon him. Yet, when fear closed in — when the pressure of the moment became too much — he denied Jesus three times. His actions were not driven by malice, but by the overwhelming instinct for self-preservation.

The fear of persecution, of suffering, of losing his own security led him away from his values. And when the rooster crowed, he was left to face not just his failure, but his own reflection.

In Jungian terms, Peter’s denial is a moment of confrontation with the shadow — the part of himself that he could not acknowledge until it was exposed. We often like to believe that we will stand firm in our beliefs, that we are steadfast in our integrity. But fear, when it grips us, can override our conscious intentions. In moments of crisis, we may act in ways that surprise even ourselves, revealing aspects of our psyche we’d rather not see. But these moments are also opportunities for deep self-awareness and transformation.

The painting Denial by Jan-Frits Obers captures this inner turmoil — this man, not wanting to hear, not wanting to know; his expression marked by denial. This image reminds us that betrayal of our own values does not have to be the end of our story. Peter’s denial was not his final act — he ultimately found redemption, growth, and a renewed sense of purpose.

Fear will always try to pull us away from what we hold most dear. The real challenge is not avoiding fear altogether but recognizing when it arises, holding ourselves accountable, and choosing to return to our true path.

Journaling Prompt: Reflect on a time when fear led you away from your values or from something important to you. How did that experience shape you? How can you work toward realigning with your true self, even after moments of self-betrayal? 

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