I am sitting at a café. It’s a very hot morning in La Havana. I can feel my eyes checking the surroundings, a prey looking for her next shelter. It’s hot. I can feel the sweat on the back of my neck. And still, I am there, sitting. I asked for a coffee which was delivered in a tiny glass. No cups, al Soñar Contigo, but loads of sugar if you ask and smile. The square is almost empty, just small groups of people at corners or under the large tree, in the shade. I am still sitting there, at a small aluminum table, three limping legs, in the sun. I wear khaki trousers and a large hat, feeling very much like Graham Greene. In my boots, my feet swell comfortably. My Stalogy is open to a page crammed with little words in black ink.
Writing on a three-legged table whose surface has reached the temperature found on Venus and which will leave marks on my right forearm still comes naturally to me. Because I know I have to be here. Now. This is where I am. It’s December when I am writing this. It’s dull and grey outside. I am sitting cross-legged and eyes closed in front of my altar. A candle, an incense stick, and my faithful Stalogy open to a page crammed with little words in black ink. But I am not here. I am in Cuba. When I ask the Universe, or Luna [my she-wolf who appears every morning] or my faithful Alfred, the answer appears in a small soap bubble, which slowly comes up in front of my face, to then explode with a small “pop!”: because I write. I observe and then I write. I weave stories, following my own Earnest’s thread [without that ending, though]. Probably this is why my subconscious has chosen La Havana.
Today, I made a promise to myself: I am done with the old paradigm. The old beliefs, the old chatter in my head — none of it serves me anymore. It’s a hindrance, a weight that no longer fits with the vision I am creating for myself. I’ve spent too long doubting my worth, second-guessing my desires, and thinking I have to prove myself in ways that no longer resonate.
The past 4 years have been about creating the foundation for my voice. I am here to step fully into the new paradigm — one where I know I deserve also the tools and resources I need to bring my work to life. Last week, while feeling very sick, I poured a whole bowl of hot chicken broth on my laptop. Like in slow-motion, I saw tiny pieces of carrots and potatoes floating on my keyboard, before disappearing.
As I continue on this journey of writing now on an old laptop, researching, and creating, I recognize the essential tools that will allow me to expand and fully step into the next chapter. A new laptop will give me the technical foundation to capture and share my writing and research without interruption. A car will open the doors to new landscapes and experiences, helping me travel to the places where my research, inspiration, and connection can grow. A camera will allow me to document not only the beauty of these moments but the depth of insight I’m gathering along the way. An upgraded website and external storage will create the space to house my work, making it available to those who are ready to join me on this path of discovery. I know I am worthy of a new laptop, a camera, and an upgraded website. I am worthy of everything I need. These tools are not just things I want; they are the very means by which my work will unfold. Each of these tools is an integral part of the larger story I am telling — one of creative growth, connection, and exploration. They are not just things I need; they are the vehicles through which my work will unfold, expanding into the world with greater reach and impact. I welcome these resources with gratitude, knowing that they will help me bring this vision to life in ways that are beyond what I could have imagined before.
I am also thankful, today, to László Bíró and his brother György for inventing the ballpen and to the French Baron Marcel Bich who turned it into a BIC which now I hold in my hands; and to Manabu Mizuno, a Japanese designer who decided to create beautiful notebooks with high-quality paper, which are dedicated to enhance life, and which now are crammed with… [yes, you guess it correctly].
I am also very grateful to the years Carl Jung invested in studying the process of active imagination. “I was confronted with the choice of either continuing my academic career, whose road lay smooth before me, or following the laws of my inner personality, of a higher reason, and forge ahead with this curious task of mine” he wrote “[f]or I felt that something great was happening to me, and I put my trust in the thing which felt to be more important sub specie aeternitatis. I knew it would fill my life, and for the sake of that goal I was ready to take any kind of risk” [1].
By making this conscious decision, and by writing it out here, on this platform, I am releasing all that old chatter and claiming my right to have everything that will help me create, share, and expand my daily visions. By sitting here and writing this out to the Universe, I know that “something” is ready to support me, and I am ready to receive. There is no waiting, no earning, just a natural unfolding as I take consistent, inspired action and show up to do the work I am here to do.
This is the moment I fully step into my power.
earnestly, yours.
mx
[1] Chodorow, J. [ed] [1997]. Jung on Active Imagination. Encountering Jung Series. Princeton : Princeton University Press.
[writing while listening to En Las Alturas, by Santi & Tuğçe]
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